I Beg of You

I beg God to heal me like how He healed me before,
To give me strength to carry on with what I have now,
To be there next to me even though I am an arrogant soul,
To make sure my heart will continue to beat, to bear with my mistakes and shortcomings,
And lastly,

To make me love the person, 

who I've been loving for the past 3 years, 

like how I did before.

Please don't make me one of those people who are ungrateful towards your blessing.
Especially, when you blessed me with a wonderful person who would grow old with me,
And let me die first because he knows that I couldn't live without him,
I believe that I believe you for a reason,
You are listening and I am waiting...

Swaying to...

Metric's On a Slow Night.

Thou Shall Not Live

New semester,
New subjects,
More fuckery.

Still on a journey to finish 2012, slowly. Today begun with a chilly morning, thick clouds, no winds. Averagely dull for normal people but a perfect bliss for me. As I got out from my house, I felt the droplets of gloominess trickling down the leaves.

I've turned a semi-taciturn, too much of nothing I guess. Fixing myself to communicate with people doesn't really help. This is so fucking cruel.

I would like to list down every single shit that I am thinking now:

• I have a deep hatred towards a fat whore (I tend to deny that but that is the truth).
• I want to meet someone who could bring back my old self again (probably lusting for someone).
• I can feel my stomach shrinking right now as I am expecting something to happen. 
• I've lost my motivation to live normally. 
• I want pancakes. 
• How do I move the fuck outta here? 
• Why do I have to continue studying and get loads of money?
• Why do I need career? 
• Why can't I let go of the past? 
• Why does he keep on popping back into my life? 
• Why is it so difficult to communicate with other people?

Is this a sign of early 20's crisis? Perhaps.

Music seems to help but not that much. The ease runs off after the music ends. Music should be endless, hence, endless happiness.

Sin #2: Thou Shall Camwhore

I love these shots! It's been a while since the last time we took pictures together.

Sin #1: Thou Shall Express Thy Feelings

How bad can it be? The final examination is coming and I don't have a place with a proper ventilation to study. I believe that all university students MUST HAVE A PROPER PLACE TO STUDY. I am 20 years old and I don't have my own room. When it comes to sharing, there's always the alpha role being played. The dominant one, of course. My parents are too ignorant to acknowledge my struggle to study, especially my mom. She thinks that studying requires no proper place. I don't mean to be a kid and speak poorly of my family. I just want the basic needs of a student.

That is all.

At least, until I graduate. Then, I'll marry someone and get the hell out of there. End of misery.

I want to thank God so much for giving me someone who could lift me up when I am about to hit rock bottom. The most wonderful being, who would push me forward, encourage me to chase my dreams and hopefully provide me security in the future. At least, I have him.

*fist the air while saying* Fuck yea!

Nuff said.

That's one.

Second: I am all about fairness and equality. Espeially when it comes to your own kids! I read somewhere, the book mentioned about the ability of a leader to be just and fair. The book concluded, if you don't have the ability to be just and fair, it is best if you don't shit out more than one child! Favouritism will occur is you do so. But of course, some people don't realize that they are being unfair. Someone should give them a slap of justice! The government should make advance parenting class compulsory for newlyweds.

Thou should know how to raise a child!

One Of Those Days

You know the feeling when you are depress/hurt/sad/down and then you are trying hard to be happy? My stomach couldn't handle such thing. I am reaching the point when I need to be alone. I feel like crying but I am inspired to be alone. I accept a curse like a blessing. Just denial maybe.

Music helps. Without it, I'd call/stalk him many, many times. Thank God for music. I've been shuffling my iPod and unorunately, I landed on depressing songs. Is it supposed to be like this?

My fault.
I asked too much.
I expected more.
I can't be decisive.
Absolutely unappreciative.

Why does it hurt so much? And yet, why does it feel like it is nothing? Maybe it is nothing. I want the ability to lie to myself perfectly.

Too Much To Handle

Today had to be a bad day. I knew it. I somewhat knew. It is still hard to swallow everything in one day. One of thee most unusual day for me too. Of all days, why today? Trying to dig out reasons out of it but still no luck.

Car got stuck in the mud,
Missed my Political Science class,
Got mud all over my clothes and birthday shoes,
Had to wait until 3.30 for my next class.

I feel bad for calling my mom to rescue me. She got cuts and bruises. Lesson learned. Never ask her to help me next time. She's too fragile to do work. Sigh.

Called the frog but he arrived after I was rescued. Not much of a help but still, he came. For me.

There will be a midterm, this Friday. Why oh why?!

Not in the mood for more. Ta.