A Fucktastic Blog

Sin #2: Thou Shall Camwhore

2011-12-27T02:28:00.001+08:00

I love these shots! It's been a while since the last time we took pictures together.

Sin #1: Thou Shall Express Thy Feelings

2011-12-27T02:18:00.001+08:00

How bad can it be? The final examination is coming and I don't have a place with a proper ventilation to study. I believe that all university students MUST HAVE A PROPER PLACE TO STUDY. I am 20 years old and I don't have my own room. When it comes to sharing, there's always the alpha role being played. The dominant one, of course. My parents are too ignorant to acknowledge my struggle to study, especially my mom. She thinks that studying requires no proper place. I don't mean to be a kid and speak poorly of my family. I just want the basic needs of a student.

That is all.

At least, until I graduate. Then, I'll marry someone and get the hell out of there. End of misery.

I want to thank God so much for giving me someone who could lift me up when I am about to hit rock bottom. The most wonderful being, who would push me forward, encourage me to chase my dreams and hopefully provide me security in the future. At least, I have him.

*fist the air while saying* Fuck yea!

Nuff said.

That's one.

Second: I am all about fairness and equality. Espeially when it comes to your own kids! I read somewhere, the book mentioned about the ability of a leader to be just and fair. The book concluded, if you don't have the ability to be just and fair, it is best if you don't shit out more than one child! Favouritism will occur is you do so. But of course, some people don't realize that they are being unfair. Someone should give them a slap of justice! The government should make advance parenting class compulsory for newlyweds.

Thou should know how to raise a child!

One Of Those Days

2011-12-03T18:18:00.001+08:00

You know the feeling when you are depress/hurt/sad/down and then you are trying hard to be happy? My stomach couldn't handle such thing. I am reaching the point when I need to be alone. I feel like crying but I am inspired to be alone. I accept a curse like a blessing. Just denial maybe.

Music helps. Without it, I'd call/stalk him many, many times. Thank God for music. I've been shuffling my iPod and unorunately, I landed on depressing songs. Is it supposed to be like this?

My fault.
I asked too much.
I expected more.
I can't be decisive.
Absolutely unappreciative.

Why does it hurt so much? And yet, why does it feel like it is nothing? Maybe it is nothing. I want the ability to lie to myself perfectly.

Too Much To Handle

2011-11-15T14:13:00.001+08:00

Today had to be a bad day. I knew it. I somewhat knew. It is still hard to swallow everything in one day. One of thee most unusual day for me too. Of all days, why today? Trying to dig out reasons out of it but still no luck.

Car got stuck in the mud,
Missed my Political Science class,
Got mud all over my clothes and birthday shoes,
Had to wait until 3.30 for my next class.

I feel bad for calling my mom to rescue me. She got cuts and bruises. Lesson learned. Never ask her to help me next time. She's too fragile to do work. Sigh.

Called the frog but he arrived after I was rescued. Not much of a help but still, he came. For me.

There will be a midterm, this Friday. Why oh why?!

Not in the mood for more. Ta.

Not A Depression Nor Burden

2011-10-31T17:37:00.006+08:00

It doesn't hurt to see pictures of my friends having fun without me. I feel nothing; not being an egotistical bitch whatnot. I don't need effort to distance myself from them because I am THAT heartless. Appreciation for friendship, I don't have. I don't value common things as how other people would. Again, I am heartless. The effort of having a real friend doesn't seem to cross my mind. It's just me; not other people.

I will die alone.

I am aware of that.

But that doesn't bother me at all. I am not different; I just don't want to be common.

Speaking of today, not a good day. I don't think I should be depressed; what is depression? Should I cut myself? Should I starve myself? Should I not talk to people? Should I break things? Should I throw tantrum? Should I get a shoulder to cry on?

You know my answer: NOT WORTH IT. Been there, done that, back to square one.

And I don't think I should add more pain to myself by telling you what happened. The pain ended 4 hours ago. It's time for me to wake the fuck up and study for my fucking midterm.

Fuckity yeah.

Depressed but still narcissistic!
(And eww to my muscular neck)

And Another One...

2011-10-30T22:19:00.002+08:00

This Got Me Going...

2011-10-30T20:58:00.004+08:00

C'mon; I know you want to read this

2011-10-30T20:42:00.000+08:00

I'm shitting you.

I've shattered; haven't reached rock bottom, not just yet. Someday, I will. If there's God, I won't. I know He is listening. Then again, you can listen but don't care.

We both know why you read this post; no better things to do, I supposed. I feel a whole lot better now; saltwater still trickling but that is not a huge deal. How bad can this be? Emotions fade; so do people.

I am in pieces,
Someone broke me,
I was fine,
Now, I am not,
Why this way?
Why not that way?
Does he hear me?
You already know why,
I whisper,
Intricate promises,
Why my mouth?

Why not my brain?

So broken but still sadistically narcissistic:

This is perfectly just and fair. Thanks, God.